Carol manages the Guild's front of house operations with quiet and unshakeable efficiency. Most of her working day is spent ensuring the Guild's administrative functions run smoothly, that essential supplies are maintained at appropriate levels, and that the extra pens remain where Steve cannot find them.

The extra pen situation is not discussed in detail on this page. It is sufficient to say that Carol identified the problem, implemented a solution, and has maintained that solution without incident. The Guild considers this one of its most significant operational achievements of the last three years.

In her own time Carol dances ballroom and Latin. The Guild considers this entirely her own business and is quietly very impressed.

Carol also holds the additional role of Head of Steve Management, a position created out of operational necessity and added to her responsibilities without fanfare, additional compensation, or a revised job title until now. Her duties in this capacity include redirecting Steve from meetings he has added himself to, maintaining the squirrel consensus with visiting clients, and ensuring Steve's clipboard says something on it so he feels useful.

The Guild is aware that Carol is doing two jobs. The Guild is working on this. Carol has not been told the Guild is working on this because Carol would say it is fine. It is not fine. Carol deserves better. The Guild is working on it quietly and with some urgency.

Tim manages the Guild Mistress's correspondence, scheduling, and general personal administration with a level of commitment that the Guild considers admirable, particularly given the circumstances.

Tim dislikes cabbage. He dislikes the sight of cabbage, the mention of cabbage, the concept of cabbage, and any written material pertaining to cabbage. The Guild respects this boundary entirely and asks that visitors do the same.

Tim owns a cloak upon which his preferred title has been embroidered. The Guild considers this a reasonable professional expression and has updated his correspondence footer accordingly.

Tim occasionally chews the mouse wire. Damages come out of his pay. Tim is aware of this arrangement and has continued to chew the mouse wire, which the Guild takes to mean the arrangement is acceptable to both parties.

Tim is working on keeping Steve away from the company emails. He would like it known that progress is being made and that when he has fully resolved the situation he would like it added to his business card. The Guild has agreed to this in principle. The situation has not yet been fully resolved.

Lance joined the Guild from the United States following the arrival of a letter of introduction written in chipmunk. The Guild's translation confirmed he was meant to be here, or words to that effect. Lance brought a hat and a pack of chewing gum. The hat he has kept. The chewing gum has become a matter of some administrative note.

Lance is a world class chess player of genuine talent and considerable potential who would progress significantly further in competitive play if he would stop applying gum to his opponents' pieces. The Guild has spoken to him about this. Lance listened attentively. The Guild is not entirely confident the situation has been resolved or that Lance speaks anything other than High Chipmunk.

Lance is settling in well. He has expressed admiration for the Guild's operations, asked several questions about the door we don't open, and been told the same thing everyone is told about the door we don't open.

Lance asked a follow-up question. We have as yet been able to translate it.

Clive maintains all of the Guild's digital infrastructure, internal systems, and anything that can reasonably be described as involving a widget. There is nothing Clive cannot do with a widget. The Guild has tested this informally on several occasions and has not yet found the limit.

Clive took up scuba diving in the Guild pond during the quiet period and has maintained the practice since. The Guild has no concerns about this. The pond is fine. Clive is fine. Whatever Clive has found down there is Clive's business and the Guild has made clear it does not need to know.

Clive enjoys tennis. He is available for IT support queries during working hours and for tennis during non-working hours, though the Guild notes these boundaries have occasionally blurred and considers this a reasonable consequence of employing someone this useful.

Clive breaks out in hives when Steve is spotted playing with his widgets.

Trev is a squirrel of wide-ranging capability and quiet dedication, currently providing full specialist support across all nut-related Guild operations. His primary focus at this time is Quality Nut Control, working in close coordination with Steve's division.

The Guild notes that Trev is doing excellent work under conditions that it acknowledges are not always straightforward. Trev has not complained. Trev does not complain. The Guild finds this either admirable or concerning and has not yet determined which.

Trev represents the Guild on its Extreme Dungeons and Dragons team on weekends. The team has an unblemished record. The Guild believes this is connected to Trev's presence and has no further comment.

Ian holds two of the Guild's most sensitive operational roles simultaneously, a combination the Guild arrived at organically and has never fully explained, including to Ian.

As Head of Door Management, Ian is responsible for the door we don't open. His job description is one line. He has not opened it. He considers this a success. It has been seventeen years.

As Director of Deer Relations, Ian manages the ongoing arrangement with the deer. The deer do not enter the grounds. Ian ensures this continues. The nature of the arrangement is not discussed. Ian is fine. The Director is always fine.

Ian brings a precise and systematic approach to all Guild operations. Upon Steve's arrival at Ravenscroft, Ian conducted a thorough review of operational efficiency and identified seventeen categories of unnecessary process waste. Twelve of them were Steve. The remaining five have been eliminated. The Guild is running at significantly improved efficiency and remains genuinely uncertain how that happened.

The deer have not entered the grounds. The door remains unopened. Everything is fine and it is measurably more fine than it was before Ian.

The Guild wishes to acknowledge, with complete professionalism, the incident in which Steve requested to ride Ian like a "horsie". Ian handled this with considerable dignity. Carol has updated the relevant risk assessment. The Head of Steve Management is monitoring the situation carefully.

The Guild would like Ian to know that his work is seen. All of it. Even that bit.

Gerald is responsible for maintaining the correct level of gothic ambience throughout Ravenscroft at all times. This is a more complex operational role than it sounds and the Guild would ask that visitors not underestimate it.

Gerald manages the draughts and that weird cold chill. He oversees the creaking, which requires more active maintenance than the uninitiated might expect. He ensures the lighting throughout Ravenscroft remains at all times appropriately ominous without crossing into impractical, which is a finer line than it appears. He monitors fog levels. He has opinions about candles that the Guild finds extensive, mildly alarming and yet largely correct.

Gerald takes his work very seriously. Gerald takes most things very seriously. Gerald has submitted fourteen written requests for a fog machine since joining the Guild. The Guild is still considering the first one.

Gerald sometimes reports to Ian. Mostly he mutters to himself. The Guild has decided both are equally effective.

Margaret maintains all Guild registers with meticulous care and an admirably incurious disposition. She is responsible for the ordinary ledger, the good ledger, the register of Fellows, the register of Masters, and the daybook in which significant moments are recorded.

Margaret does not have access to the other ledger. Margaret has never asked about the other ledger. The Guild considers this one of Margaret's finest professional qualities and has noted it accordingly.

Margaret has worked at Ravenscroft since a date that predates several of the current staff members. She knows where everything is. She knows where everything has always been. She has strong opinions about filing systems, which the Guild respects, and about the interesting cabinet, which the Guild respects even more because her opinion is that it is none of her business and she intends to keep it that way.

Hugo is currently on placement with the Guild, working the nut selection line while he finds his feet. Steve pointed out, helpfully, where Hugo's feet should be. The Guild thanks Steve for his contribution at this time.

Hugo has been on the nut selection line for some time now. The Guild checks in periodically. Hugo is fine. Hugo hopes to travel once life has calmed down a bit. The Guild wishes him well and genuinely means it.

Hugo looked up from the nut selection line when a Grand Honours certificate was announced recently. He said nothing. He went back to work.

The Guild found this quietly moving and has noted it in the good daybook, not the ordinary one.

Anne consults for the Guild on a retained basis, specialising in botanical matters of a sensitive and occasionally alarming nature. She was instrumental in the research phases of several Guild projects and her contributions have been, by any measure, significant.

Anne is very knowledgeable. The Guild has on occasion asked Anne how she knows the things she knows and Anne has smiled in a way that the Guild found sufficient answer.

Anne and Mistress Stitches correspond regularly. The Guild is aware of the content of this correspondence in general terms. The Guild does not require the specifics. The Guild trusts Anne completely and would like that noted.

Anne has a collection of plants. The collection is extensive. The Guild has visited once. The Guild brought its own tea.

Anne is not on the premises at Ravenscroft on a daily basis. Queries of a botanical nature should be directed to Dave in the first instance. Dave will contact Anne. Anne will respond when Anne is ready. Do not follow up with Anne directly. Anne knows you followed up. Anne always knows.

Dorothy holds two specialist positions, both created in the wake of incidents that the Guild does not discuss publicly. The 2019 Floss Incident and the separate, but related, needle affair of 2021 are considered closed matters. Dorothy considers them a normal Tuesday.

Dorothy works alone. Dorothy prefers to work alone. Dorothy has tried to explain her techniques twice. Both times Mistress Stitches needed to sit down for a while afterwards.

As Keeper of the Pointy Needles, Dorothy maintains the Guild's entire needle inventory under strictly controlled conditions. Every needle is accounted for at all times. Steve submitted a formal request for unsupervised needle access in March. Dorothy said no with a brevity the Guild found deeply impressive. Steve has not raised the matter again.

Dorothy is very calm. Dorothy is always calm. Dorothy has seen things. Dorothy untangles them. Dorothy goes home at the end of the evening. Dorothy sleeps perfectly well.

Steve does not have a key.

Faye has been instrumental in the development, maintenance, and continued existence of the Guild's digital presence, including the website you are currently reading, which required considerable effort and a great deal of patience.

Faye has worked alongside Steve for an extended period. The Guild acknowledges this formally, in writing, on the official staff page, because some things deserve to be in the record. Faye has never once raised her voice about it. Faye has never once mentioned it unprofessionally. Faye simply gets on with things, which the Guild considers the highest possible professional standard.

The Guild is still looking into the medal situation. Progress is being made. Faye has not been told about the medal because Faye would say it isn't necessary, which is precisely why she deserves it.